Umm.... do I even need to say anything?

A new definition of "Smashed"

--------- 'Beer-o-holic' Smashes Wall For Brew ----------

ORLANDO, Fla., A self-confessed beer addict is in jail in Orlando, Fla., after hammering his way through a concrete wall into a food store cooler for some cold brew. Police say the thief tunneled into Young's Food Market early Wednesday and used a hammer and tried to get into a large cooler. The store owner, who lives above the market, called police after hearing the commotion, WKMG-TV, Orlando, reported. The thief made a run for it but was nabbed by a police dog. Sweaty and thirsty, the suspect was treated at a hospital for a dog bite.

Man, I'm glad I quit drinking. Shit like that is embarrassing! I once fell down the stairs with my pants around my ankles, and my hat stayed on. I landed face first and was like "what happened?"

What an ass.

Your Mom is so hot the UFO's are checking her out!

Man, them UFO's is getting pretty ballsy

A UFO at O'Hare? Some pilots thought so
Mon Jan 1, 7:02 PM ET
Federal officials say it was probably just some weird weather phenomenon, but a group of United Airlines employees swear they saw a mysterious, saucer-shaped craft hovering over O'Hare Airport last fall.
The workers, some of them pilots, said the object didn't have lights and hovered over an airport terminal before shooting up through the clouds, according to a report in Monday's Chicago Tribune.
The Federal Aviation Administration acknowledged that a United supervisor had called the control tower at O'Hare, asking if anyone had spotted a spinning disc-shaped object. But the controllers didn't see anything, and a preliminary check of radar found nothing out of the ordinary, FAA spokeswoman Elizabeth Isham Cory said.
"Our theory on this is that it was a weather phenomenon," Cory said. "That night was a perfect atmospheric condition in terms of low (cloud) ceiling and a lot of airport lights. When the lights shine up into the clouds, sometimes you can see funny things."
The FAA is not investigating, Cory said.
United spokeswoman Megan McCarthy said company officials don't recall discussing any such incident from Nov. 7.
At least one O'Hare controller, union official Craig Burzych, was amused by it all.
"To fly 7 million light years to O'Hare and then have to turn around and go home because your gate was occupied is simply unacceptable," he said.